Volume 12 Issue 3, Third Quarter 1998:
October 25, 1995 was my first visit to the Sterling Memorial Library at Yale, home of the archived Seth material, to look at the Jane Roberts Papers. It was an incredible experience and from that moment I was hooked. I started spending vacation time in New Haven pouring over the material that I loved so much. In my first journal entry regarding the visit, I recorded that I had felt almost overwhelmed to be able to peruse the documents. What a joyous experience! It also seemed extremely important to me that all the Seth material be on computer, in chronological order and with the ability to be sorted by subject. After my first few visits I realized that some of the material I was reading had already been published. This led to further research between visits to Yale to identify which regular and which deleted sessions appeared in the books. It soon became evident to me that my time with the material and in Yale’s library was truly my value fulfillment, and I desired to do it full time.Then the “but I can’t because” excuses started flowing. I didn’t know how I could leave my job and the security of my days without winning the lottery jackpot. My life was comfortable and I was able to travel to all the SethNets and spend vacations at Sterling Library. In addition to my fairly well-paying job, I always maintained a huge credit card debt. This was a way to keep myself in control and avoid anything totally spontaneous or outrageous. After years of reading the Seth material, was I still afraid of my spontaneity?
Each time I went back to the Sterling Library my desire to move to New Haven grew. I finally decided in October, 1997 to start planning for a move the following February. I would give notice on my job in January and in the meantime work through the “obstacles.” It was no coincidence that I offered to do a belief-related talk for our local Seth group entitled, “I’ve Identified, Examined and Changed My Beliefs and Nothing Happened. Now What?”When I volunteered for the assignment, I had the question but little clue as to the answer. So, I decided to base the talk on personal experiences relating to the build-up of my move to New Haven – a move toward what gave me joy and away from what was no longer fun.
The first step was to look at my beliefs once again. One method that had helped me find my own beliefs in the past was to try to identify beliefs of others. It really didn’t matter if I was right or wrong in my assessments, but it was a way to become more aware of how they work in my life…
There are always great examples of people’s beliefs in the media. One of my favorites was an article about a guy who won 22 jackpots in 3 weeks, totaling $194,000, at a casino. He was identified by his friend as “a lucky guy.” How nice that no one told him he was doing the impossible! I realized that his “impossible” luck was a result of his beliefs and decided to change some of my “impossible” beliefs.
For me, another method of identifying beliefs is to realize that others mirror mine back to me. I try to step aside and view my life as a story and other people as actors in my play. Very interesting results can occur. For instance, at the same time that I was affirming that I had enough money to easily and comfortably support myself and my activities in New Haven without a job, I was very critical of a co-worker who I felt was overpaid and under worked. This seemed to indicate my belief in the conventional Protestant work ethic… a belief I thought I had eliminated from my psyche, but obviously had not.
Oftentimes, when I am very irritated, it is an indication that there is something in my life that needs attention. For instance, I was trying to decide if my beliefs about health were strong enough to give up health insurance when I quit my job. A few days later I awakened with a very sore mouth. The dentist was able to see me that morning and x-rays confirmed an abscessed tooth. I was referred to a specialist for a root canal, and when I called to set up an appointment, the receptionist was very rude about the fact that I didn’t have dental insurance. She demanded to know how I would pay for it. Rather sarcastically I asked if they took cash. The conversation really annoyed me, and I kept playing it in my head. Then it dawned on me…this was a little drama about health insurance replete with an opportunity to hone my beliefs about healing myself. That night I affirmed my ability to consciously choose to heal, and asked for assistance with the quite painful tooth. The next morning my mouth seemed a little less sore, and by afternoon it was definitely better. I cancelled my dental appointment never rescheduled. Later, I also canceled my health insurance.
At times I feel that I just can’t identify my beliefs in some areas. Seth tells us, “Your beliefs and the reasons for them can be found in your conscious mind.1” Easy for him to say – but it didn’t seem to work that way for me!… which, of course, was a belief. After reconsidering my initial reaction to Seth’s comment, I decided to accept his statement as fact. Now I remind myself that all of my beliefs are available to me in my conscious mind. I now know the answer is there waiting, and that assurance helps greatly in identifying beliefs.
“Listen to what you tell yourself every hour of the day. Those are your beliefs. They are clear. Listen to them.”2 This was another idea I started repeating to myself until I finally “heard” my thoughts. For instance, although I kept assuring myself that I would have enough money to move across country and to work in Sterling Memorial Library, I started hearing a conflicting belief.
Whenever I’d think about updating my computer or buying something, I’d think, “Better do it now, because after the move, money will be tight.” I am still changing this dialog to be more in accord with my desires.
“In each person’s life and in your own, at each and every point of your existence, the solutions to your problems, or the means of achieving those solutions, are always as apparent or rather as present, within your days as any given problem itself. What I mean is simple. The solutions already exist in your lives. You may not have put them together yet, or organized them in the necessary ways. When you attend to what is there with the proper attitude of mind, then the altered organizations can take place.”3 The implications of this statement impacted me greatly. If finally dawned on me that I did have the money to finance my move. While I had been amassing debt, I had also been putting money into a retirement fund and I had some equity in my condo. This nest egg could pay most of my debts and cover the move, with enough left to replace the company car with one of my own.
Ah, but then doubts and fear started to creep in, and I began having conversations with myself much like the following: Will my plan work? Yes it will, but what will I do about money when I retire? Is it wise to spend my retirement investment now? Just relax, and remember it’s what I really feel passionate about. I’ll do what brings me joy. How will I support myself? Isn’t the point of power in the present? If I die next year, will I have regrets if I hadn’t made New Haven my home? Clearly my passion is to study and work with the Seth material and study it. I can do it!
No, I’m too fearful. I can, I can’t, I can, I can’t. Wait!!…I’ll confront my fear and change my beliefs and live in the present moment. Either I create my reality or I don’t. Which do I really believe? I will do it – I’ll choose joy and value fulfillment over a future devoid of passion. I will do what I love and trust the money will follow.
So, how do I create what I want? Seth says, “Very simply: You want something, you dwell upon it consciously for a while, you consciously imagine it coming to the forefront of probabilities, closer to your actuality. Then you drop it like a pebble into Framework 2, forget about it as much as possible for a fortnight, and do this in a certain rhythm.”4 Simple, easy. So why does it work so well for me in some areas and not in others. Could it be that when I want to find an out-of-print Seth book, I just put the pebble in Framework 2 and know it will assist me? But in some other areas of life I keep hassling the process?
I started hearing myself request money from winning the Powerball Jackpot; well… maybe the Daily Million Jackpot; well… maybe I didn’t need quite that much; well… perhaps I could just trust Framework 2. I began to realize that in some instances I’d take the pebble out of Framework 2 and restate my request, and then back in it would go. Then I’d take the pebble out again to examine it or add to it, and then drop it back into Framework 2… again and again and again. Does this not reflect indecision and fears?
On one point, though, I was clear with Framework 2. I trusted that it would find me an apartment in the Yale area. My intent was that my new home would be within walking distance of the Sterling Memorial Library, allow 2 cats with enough room for them to play, be able to accommodate my clarinet practicing, offer off-street parking, lots of windows, central air and laundry facilities. It was suggested to me by a friend that it might take more time, but I kept asserting my confidence in Framework 2 to work its magic. “But you must not be concerned for their emergence, for this brings up the fear that the new ideas will not materialize, and so this negates your purpose.”5 Bingo! I found a great place that met all of my requests. I am nine blocks from the library. It is convenient for my music because I live on the third floor above two offices and am the only resident. The landlord decided to put a washer and dryer in the unit because other potential tenants requested them. I had felt confident that Framework 2 would handle my apartment needs for me and trusted it would work… it did and wonderfully!!
After renting the apartment I felt a great sense of accomplishment. Wow, I was really going to do it!! I was going to live my dream. I now had an apartment, my condo was listed for sale, and I could give notice at work – and leave the job a week before my 20th anniversary. But then I thought, wait a minute!!! What am I doing? Am I crazy? How will I support myself? How can I make enough money to pay the rent when all I want is a part-time job? Maybe I’ll have to work full time, but the Manuscript and Archives area is only open from 8:30 to 4:45, Monday through Friday so I’ll have to find a job with off hours. Should I change my mind?
And then I thought, “Okay, calm down. Look at all this fear you’re generating. What would you do if you were able to do whatever you wanted with your life?” Well… I would quit my job and move to New Haven, live near the library and work full time on researching the Seth material.
Okay, what is stopping you? Fear. Fear of what? Of not being able to do it financially. (Oh no, what if my fear has just negated all the months of belief work I have done on abundance? What now???) Wait, isn’t the point of power in the present? So, just work with the present and don’t fear the past or the future.
“For various reasons you have not really focused on solving the problem, but you have focused upon the problem, and there is a vast difference.”6 I was still on an emotional roller-coaster, so on my flight back to Minneapolis, I kept reminding myself that everything would work out… I have used the Seth material in my life for years and I know it works. Shortly after I got home, I received a check from a totally unexpected source and the amount was enough to cover my expenses for the first month in Connecticut. What great validation. All will work out perfectly. I have reaffirmed my faith and intend to keep it. I accept from Framework 2 the best events in all areas of my life.
Update 2009
My story continues with occasional lapses. However, many very magical events have transpired since writing the 1998 article. I continue to be amazed at all the wondrous people and events that have entered my life. Life truly is an amazing and creative adventure.
Footnotes:
1 The Nature of Personal Reality, by Jane Roberts, Session 615
2 ESP Class, October 3, 1972
3 Deleted Session, November 9, 1981
4 Dreams, “Evolution,” and Value Fulfillment, by Jane Roberts, Vol. 1, Session 891
5 The Nature of Personal Reality, by Jane Roberts, Session 621
6 Deleted Session, September 30, 1974